Things become more apparent to me every day, I realize that I have a lot of self work to do. Not sure if that's how you even say that .. but y’all know what I mean.
Anyway, if you follow me on social media (which you should: osojazy EVERYWHERE, though, I am mostly on Instagram and Twitter) I talked about this last week on my stories.
I had been in an emotional rut, kinda. I was feeling like there was a block. I have been realizing a lot more lately that I have been a mean girl. I was feeling like there was some kind of blockage within myself, like I could feel myself being mean for no reason, but I was committed to it. I know its awful, but thats where I was, my truth.
I am this person that is always understanding of people and their issues. Even when in many cases their behaviors have negatively impacted me. So, a thing that I would always say is “I understand why you…” and I used that to console myself. I think this made people think that that could mistreat me repeatedly. I was telling them it was okay. I was telling myself that it was okay, because I understood why.
What I came to realize just recently, which has lightened my emotional load tremendously, is that understanding is not forgiveness. Just because I understood why people did me wrong or hurt me, didn’t mean that I was forgiving them.
Basically, I was holding onto all these things/people/situations that had in some way hurt me because I “understood.” I understood why my ex couldn’t love me the way I deserved to be loved. I understood why my “friend” was distant. I understood why my co-worker was a douche. I understood why people have mistreated me in the past.
The thing about it is, that I was harboring and holding on to all this understanding for people. Instead of forgiving them and letting them go. This was a grace that I hadn't even extended to myself. Yet, I was giving all these people and situations that grace.
See the thing about it is that forgiveness is for me not them. I wasn’t forgiving people, I hold a mean grudge and I can hold it forever if need be. However it doesn’t serve me to hold on to ill feelings, because I understand why you did something to me does not mean that I have to accept it.
I have decided to forgive many people and situations for myself.
So that I can open up space in my life for the love and relationships that I deserve.
It’s a journey, this personal development, this self-realization.
Anyway, I reached out to a few people that I needed to forgive to heal myself and just simply told them “I forgive you”. That was for me, and let me tell you I felt lighter immediately following. No hard feelings, just really felt a weight lifted from my shoulders and most importantly my heart.
I have been terrible at letting people go in the past, and I realize now it is because I wasn’t forgiving them. Not to be confused with letting them go, I have forgiven many, but they still gotta go. Understanding was taking up too much space in my universe, I have learned that forgiveness is freeing up so much space for the blessings heading my way.
Thought this was appropriate to share with y’all this Wednesday.. Does anyone have experience with this? I want to talk more about this!
I'll end this with a quote...
Talk to yall soon!